The Platinum Rule

I was raised both a Methodist and a Girl Scout, so I'm painfully familiar with the "golden rule"- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It is, generally, a piece of good advice. I follow it as closely as possible, and have for many years. I try to be kind, I try to listen when my friends need to talk, and I try to encourage when my friends need encouragement. Naturally, I fail sometimes. On the whole, I think I'm a decent person.

But, as a corollary to the golden rule, I think at some point- possibly in high school or college (once the "be kind" habit has been created)- people should be taught the platinum rule:

Do not prioritize someone who sees you as an option.

This applies equally to friendships and significant others. It took me a long time to realize that sometimes people don't value you as much as you value them. Treating them as someone important will never cause them to treat you as someone important. It just forces you to expend a lot of useless energy trying to change a quality in the other person that will not change.

Everyone deserves kindness. Constant cordiality and an unfailing smile are sadly lacking in most of us (myself included), but society would certainly be stronger if they were more prevalent. However, NOT everyone deserves everything you have to give.

I am particularly prone to this mistake. Over and over again I've made the same mistake; I exert time and energy on people and relationships that aren't really going anywhere. And on the flip side, I neglect myself and the friends who do value me.

I'm trying very hard to change that trend. I'm trying to focus on people who genuinely matter. Not that a change in focus allows me to be unkind to the masses, but my spare time is going to be focused on the people who want me in their spare time.

If you're reading this, it is probably irrelevant to you anyway because you clearly already value my time. But I think writing it down may help me remember to focus on the people who matter. If not, call me and remind me to focus on you.