I'm generally a reasonably successful person. I set achievable goals, and then reach them. Occasionally I'm a little late to the finish line, and from time to time I regress (for example: my room is rarely clean when I need it to be, despite the fact that "clean my room" is consistently on my to-do list). But most things, I'm good at getting. Degrees, friends, clothes on sale, new recipes. At one thing, however, I fail spectacularly. And on a regular basis. This one thing? Men.
I suck at relationships. Not just, "wow, she breaks up a lot," or "shouldn't she have dated more men by now" sort of way. I mean, I fail at every stage. I have trouble identifying appropriate men. I have trouble getting to know them on a romantic level. I have trouble dating. I have trouble being in a relationship. Then I have trouble breaking up and moving on. My longest term relationship (ever. in my whole life.) lasted less than three months.
I'm twenty six. That means I've been dating for more than a decade. Doing the math says that three months is not a reasonable "long term relationship" for someone my age. I have friends celebrating their fifth anniversary, or bearing their third child.
Whoa.
Why do I suck at this? I'm intelligent. I'm empathetic. I cook. I watch war flicks. I like sports. I dress well. I'm reasonably well liked by members of both genders. And yet, I am consistently in every guy's "friend" category.
Don't get me wrong, my life rocks. I'm not bitter or annoyed that I'm single. I love being single most of the time. I can go to the movies when I want, eat when I want, I never have to check in with anyone. But I've definitely reached that stage in life where I'm the "last girl standing" in my group of friends, so it would be nice to have a reliable escort for events.
So, my friends, please pass along your tips. And your single cousins. There has to be someone out there that can put up with me...right?
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lainn...
7 years ago
Posts
4 pink picket thought(s):
Better to have only dated him for three months than to have gotten married and had a kid with him! ;) Though I do think of you and a certain young man every time I hear, "Just call me darling, darrrr-ling."
You are seriously the best girlfriend material and I constantly remind Chris to be on the look out for single, attractive, intelligent officers that we could befriend and introduce you to.
you know, all of my non-family bridesmaids have the same story. you are all fantastic girls and you all have not done much dating. maybe y'all should make a new circle of girls who are too fabulous to put up with lackluster boys :)
Did you know I have a friend in her forties who feels weird because she's the only person in her age range she knows who has a happy marriage? And honestly, things are never as they seem. You might be "the last one standing" but you don't know what goes on behind closed doors in those relationships.
We're so much alike sometimes it scares me. This post is like reading a page out of my own diary. I, too, find myself thinking, "I can do anything I set out to do. I put myself through college, I have a successful career, I bought a house, I paid off my debt, I have friends and family and all these wonderful things ... but I can't make a relationship work!" I worry sometimes, too.
People will tell you things like, "You'll find him once you stop looking" and "When you meet the one, you'll just know". My opinion? BULLSHIT.
You are the only one in the world who decides when and if you fail at something. Not having a relationship last more than 3 months might be a good thing - I wasted a year of my life in a crappy relationship. Who's to say you didn't have the right idea all along?
In my opinion, everyone sucks at relationships. Eventually, we might meet someone who gets those quirks and we might not. Either way, you are only an epic failure when YOU declare it so.
I'm not going to pump you full of that "you're such an awesome girl" stuff, because you already know it. I'm just going to tell you to cut yourself some slack. You just graduated law school for goodness sake! You have a beautiful life. You are NORMAL, quit thinking otherwise. This instant!
I know you are enjoying life and really that is what it is all about. Things happen when they are supposed to. I didn't get married until I was 27, a lot of my friends were married, some divorced and some even remarried. I held out. Now 15 years later we are still going strong. I don't think if I had married younger we still would be. I was not ready to share my life or make the compromises marriage takes before that. So basically what I am saying is enjoy your you time, the other will come soon enough. Right now you are foot loose with a fabulous career. ENJOY!!!
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